[He doesn't pull away, Kel does enjoy physical contact and that's... actually more effective than her initial words. Sorry, Frieda, the local teens have so much drama going on.]
Well, I'm just... too forward? I just- he should know I got his back no matter what, right? He and Mari are all I have left now. [A very healthy approach to things, Kel.] But I fumbled it bad, he kind of fainted because hard talks aren't for him and... now apparently you're telling me he thinks we're no longer friends? God, he's so dumb sometimes...
[He crossed his arms, letting out a sigh. He... had no idea how to proceed from there.]
If he's avoiding me I'm... not sure on what to do. Back home he avoided people for four whole years... and now I'm pretty certain I know why, but it's frustrating sometimes how his natural reaction is: retreat.
[It's alright. Hell, she has a lot of (internal) drama going on too. That said, the situation is grim, seeing how Sunny is a master at avoiding people - for years at a time, as Kel pointed out.
Frieda frowns as she mulls over their options when that last addition Kel makes draws her attention. She hesitates for a moment - Sunny completely shut down when she tried to ask him about why his father was so angry as him during the first Crossing, so he clearly wouldn't want her to know, but is she supposed to ever fully understand him at this rate?]
...
Why do you think he hid away from everyone for four years back home?
[They have to talk, don't they? Kel glances to the side, looking around if he can spot any sign of Mari. She... should be the one to talk with first, right? But she's been distant, like the shadows in the fog are slightly pulling her away and- he should really check on her.]
It's not really relevant anymore, I fear. But something bad happened and I put together enough peices of a big messy puzzle to figure out he may have been part of that. Even if I know very well he never meant to cause any problem with anyone.
[He seems uncomfortable there.]
He's a good... kid. Sometimes I look at him and he feels so much younger than me and my other friends even if we are just a year apart, I guess that makes me too protective. And too talkative as well. I just... don't know how to help him right now.
["Something bad happened"... Kel is just as unforthcoming as Sunny is, even though she believes that he'd be able to tell her more and just isn't willing. It's frustrating, and it takes a lot of self-control for her to not let agitation seep into her response.]
...
Neither of you is telling me any actual facts. How is the reason he isolated himself not relevant anymore when even now, being asked about it makes him shut down? If you want to keep it a secret on Sunny's behalf, I can accept that, but I can't help you or him if I don't understand even half of it.
It's just... I don't have all the details, I just put a lot of pieces together like a puzzle and Sunny's reaction kind of proved me right but I'm not sure how things went down. I just know... he's a good person. And I'm afraid people may start not being so friendly with him if I start spreading this like a rumor.
[It's complicated, okay? He wishes Aubrey was there with them all, she was a lot more... direct than Kel in this kind of things. And Basil... Basil had answers and Kel just knew it. It had to be the reason he kept seeing him in the mist, his brain wanted to understand more.]
It's... lowkey tied to how he lost his eye. Or, well, the why? I don't even know if I should bring it up but if we're in some kind of 'cleanse the spirit' trip, I am not sure if not facing things is... good for him?
[but they were in the middle of the housing area, not exactly the best place where to go. Kel stopped for a good moment, considering his options. Frieda HAD been a good person so far, she still kept his secret about how he killed Sunny by accident, so...]
Let's... walk somewhere we don't risk to run into others, shall we?
[She nods and sets out walking with him, expression softening somewhat. Can she really blame Kel for wanting to keep Sunny safe from the judgement of others?]
For what it's worth, Kel, I'm in no position to judge others for whatever sins they may have committed. Hardly anyone here could possibly be as sinful of a person as me.
["Hardly anyone" because Nagito, who contributed to the fall of his entire world into despair and desolation, certainly comes close. As far as she's concerned, they're two peas in a pod. Sunny, though? That poor boy who's always so hard on himself for the slightest perceived transgression? There's no way he could have done anything remotely as heinous as them.]
Sunny lost his eye because your mutual friend had a breakdown and stabbed him, right? What exactly happened? Why did he turn on Sunny?
[He just wants to help Sunny, but it seems this place isn't 'safe' enough and Kel can only make things worse, he feels like he has to keep things as safe as he can and he doesn't know who to trust with his friend.]
Yeah. I messed up as well. But I feel like you're being too hard on yourself, Frieda. Point is... I worry about him regardless. Heh... you should at least let him know 'Kel thinks he's dumb' and 'of course you two are still friends'...
[He didn't speak much until they were distant from the area where others lived. It was just him, Frieda and possibly leech infested water near them.]
His name is Basil. I keep seeing him in the mist, probably because I want to ask him so many questions... If you see a pretty blonde boy with blue eyes, it may be him. I really hope not to see him for real, though... [A pause. 'what happened' is a very good question.] I want to make sure you know anything I'm going to say is rather... speculative, okay? I am puting things together thanks to Mari and Sunny's... very strong reaction last time, plus what I know from home.
[She smiles faintly as his suggestion for what to tell Sunny - really, how could he ever think that Kel no longer wants to be his friend? -, but turns serious again as Kel explains what happened back home. She hasn't seen Basil, but she wonders how she'd perceive him.]
Hm-m. I'll take it all as your best guess. We have to start somewhere.
[Part of her wonders, though, if they don't run the risk of coming to the wrong conclusions by piecing so many fragmented memories together. Isn't there a real risk of them mistaking things? But she'll hear Kel out first of all.]
[He could use a stronger language if he didn't feel so protective toward Sunny and if he didn't know the other was struggling already. Teen boys in his area weren't exactly well known for their tact and Kel knew how to be direct when he wanted to.]
Five friends. Me, Sunsun, Mari, Aubrey and Basil. So. Four years ago someone got... really hurt. That's when our friend group completely crashed and split. Sunny locked himself away, Aubrey got angry with everyone, especially me, and I don't remember why but I spent a year barely leaving the house. Basil... pushed me away, too? You can guess where this is going.
I think Sunny and Basil were involved with the incident, I'm pretty much sure Sun was at this point at least, and I think Basil was somehow involved in the covering up? Or he- [He did the thing? No, not Basil.] I'm almost sure it was an accident, covered in the worst possible way. And I think Sunny hid in part out of... guilt? And when Sun was about to leave the town... something must have happened between them.
Hell, Basil just had scratches but he was in such a poor mental state when the... eye incident happened? He got taken to the hospital as well because he crashed. I may have also punched him but that- I still love that guy too, okay?
[He turned around, kicking a pebble into the water.]
Point is.this is big for some people like us. Our world isn't anything special, I think, and I don't know how to help him with this sense of guilt and all.
[An incident so bad that it split a friends group apart, changing their personalities and making at least a couple of them shut themselves away from the world... what in the world could have been so horrendous? Clearly, the person who got harmed must have sustained severe and lasting injuries for Sunny (and Basil, too?) to not only blame himself to this degree to even attempt to cover up what happened.]
How did the truth not come out? Even if they tried to hide what happened, wouldn't the one who got hurt have told everyone?
[Unless that person ended up in a coma, or with brain damage, memory loss... something like that. That would be bad enough for the others to not be able to forgive themselves.
[The dead don't talk. But that would give away far too easily what kind of incident it was, right? Especially considering Mari was there with them all. She was the one who made Kel gasp as she said she never wanted to take her own life to begin with, the one who said her last memory was of her fighting with Sunny on the top of a staircase... and then nothingness followed.]
First. Even if the idiot- [And he said that in the most affectionate way possible.] believes he's such a bad person worth of hating him and all... he's incredibly loved. I'm sure if this person had a way to say anything, they would have chosen silence regardless to protect him. Second... yeah. They couldn't tell anyone what happened, let's put it that way. I just had a strange chance to put together a lot of clues
And I know it wasn't something Sunny wanted. He shut himself in for so long and then... well, after the eye incident? I know he was probably seeing things or something but he did... take his own life.
[He has to stop there, lowering his head and letting out a small, shaky breath. Ah, his lungs still move when he's feeling emotional, it seems.]
Not his fault there as well, I should have been quicker. But someone who is okay doesn't... do those things.
[She lowers her eyes. So it was like that - a fateful accident, bad enough that the person harmed couldn't communicate with other anymore afterwards. She feels a painful jab in her heart on behalf of everyone - Sunny, Basil, Kel, the others.]
...
Thank you for telling me, Kel. It must've been so painful for all of you - the incident, and what it did to your lives.
[She thinks, too, of those left behind now, having to cope with the loss of Sunny and Kel on top of the tragedy that already occurred, and it's hard for her to hold back tears.]
I understand better now why Sunny can't forgive himself. The trouble is that I also have no advice for you.
It's okay, really, I bounce back easily from bad stuff. The others had it worse, trust me. I just- I wish I knew how to help them. Not that I can do much for them anymore, not when... I can't really talk with anyone but Sunsun or Mari.
[A pause as he shifted on the spot.]
Many people are having a much harder time and plenty of you seem to come from harsher worlds, so I shouldn't really complain much. I just... yeah. We're on the same boat. Not knowing how to handle it. I tried to talk with him, tell him that no matter what I loved him, and he just... fainted and then shut me away. It's... sad.
[A pause, there.]
We're already losing ourselves and we don't know why. One would think it's a reincarnation or 'returning to a new state' thing I heard in television... but we're keeping our memories of 'here' so it's just a mess? And... huh... aren't we supposed to make some peace with ourselves before 'going'? Not that I want to, but...
I just want to make sure that however we end, he ends up being okay.
[There he goes again, putting on a smile and minimising his own pain. Frieda recognises that behaviour well, but hypocritically, she can't help but feel that while she can handle it - carrying the burden of the truth alone and caring for her people while deceiving them, back home - it's more than Kel should bear all on his own. As he veers into the uncertainty of their journey, she solemnly nods.]
None of us knows where these travels will lead us. I imagined so many different outcomes already, but in the end, we can only continue on our path, into the unknown. I want to help you protect Sunny and Mari on the way, but it's hard when Sunny shuts down so easily and Mari handles everything on her own, isn't it? Ultimately, we can't force them. They'll either open up to accepting help in time, or they won't.
[She really hopes that they will. Mari, at least, already shared her pain with her during the first Crossing, and she's grateful she could support her at least a little... Sunny, of course, has a much harder time, and after what Kel just shared with her, it makes sense. Approaching him, she comfortingly rubs his shoulder.]
That aside, I want you to know that what you all went through isn't a mundane thing. Human lives are hard everywhere, and something like what happened to you would have broken a community in my world, too.
[There's a long, long silence. Mari is brought up and Kel is just... considering things. Frieda says she wants to help, she says she cares about Sunny and, well, between all people? He believes her. It's just... so hard.]
I just... know Mari can handle things. It's Sunny I really worry about and I know he's probably not going to open up with Mari if he can avoid it. They love each other but things are never easy. As for where we're going, I'm not sure a good ending awaits us- look around yourself. This place is full of things that have been left behind, traces of our worlds and all like footprints of souls who were forced on this same journey as well.
Still, no one is here. No one can survive out of what's keeping us safe, too, I know that after staying behind the first time we crossed. [A pause. He looks at her hands on his shoulders and lifts one hand himself to place it on hers.] I stand by the fact I don't trust the Ferryman- I just don't know what to do. Should I try to gather more info by staying behind again, that's when we face the world for what it is, but the idea of forgetting those two terrifies me. I already forgot someone who was important to me, apparently? I don't know...
[A shrug, then.]
It broke ours. But I can't whine too much, I have the idea that... even if I can't remember? I... there was someone else I had to stay strong for. Who was doing so much worse than me. I'm strong enough to handle things thrown at me, Frieda. just... let me know if there's anything I can do for him. I feel like I barely know my friend anymore.
[Again she quietly nods along. It seems that even Mari was unable to get through to Sunny after the incident, which speaks volumes - if he couldn't even open up to his own sister, how could any of his friends stand a chance, let alone those among them whom he only got to know here in the afterlife?
As for Kel's assessment of their prospects, they certainly have encountered enough remnants of their predecessors to conjecture that thousands, if not tens or hundreds of thousands, or even more, have come this way before them... but from the beginning, she felt an acceptance that Kel doesn't have (a resignation, perhaps, much like she resigned herself to her people's isolation and eventual destruction in life).]
I still trust the Ferryman. It's true that some strange things are going on here, that people are losing memories when they're not supposed to, but the Ferryman seems concerned about that too. I'm saying that not to convince you to adopt my point of view, but to offer that if there's any information you need from, I don't mind gathering it for you.
[She smiles faintly, putting a hand on her chest.]
I can stay behind this time. I'll take the shard with the lightning; it'll protect me from the wraiths.
[Or will it? She hasn't asked to get the item back from Daniil after the Crossing and has no idea if the effect is even still imbued in it. Even so--]
[She... couldn't. She just couldn't do it, because she was dead. When they first met in the afterlife? Kel had to wrestle Sunny up between his arms and bring him by weight in front of his sister, it had been... something. At least now they walked side by side and Kel was glad to see Nagito and others seemed to love sunny...]
I don't. I don't get why they can't be direct with us, explain what we're going through and why we are losing memories one way or another. I'm not- I think I'd be more comfortable if I knew their goal. We're losing the people we used to be, sure, but we're not becoming blank slates for reincarnation or something. We can't give away our memories here so... what even is the point? There is just so much that doesn't make sense... or maybe I'm too stupid to get it.
[Which, wouldn't surprise him. He was not the brightest of his family, was he? He couldn't remeber who his parents often compared him to, probably a cousin or something, but he knew he wasn't that brilliant.]
I... I don't want you to. I run fast, I know what to expect this time. I don't want to lose more memories either, but as long as you guys remind me who truly matters to me... it's okay. Sunny seems to like you, I'd rather have people around him who are as whole as possible... if that makes sense.
[If Kel divulged that it was Mari who died, everything would fall into place for Frieda - but if she were to find out later, she wouldn't blame him for having kept it a secret, assuming he felt that it wasn't his place to share but Mari's alone. As it stands, she assumes that the guilty behaviour Sunny keeps showing towards his sister is the same he displays towards everyone else when his past gets dug up during Crossings or otherwise.]
You're not stupid. I wish the Ferryman would just plainly answer our questions, too. I've asked to many times and only gotten the vaguest responses. But I think that the Ferryman, too, is bound by the rules of this place, and not divulging the purpose and destination of this journey is likely part of it - why, I couldn't tell you. To prevent us from making choices that would be detrimental to us, perhaps... if we want to look at it in good faith.
[Kel's rejection of her suggestion doesn't surprise her - of course he wouldn't want her to expose herself to danger. Her smile turns a little sadder.]
I appreciate your concern for me, but isn't it more important for Sunny that you and Mari remain yourselves as much as possible? He's only known me for a short while. That aside...
[She turns wholly serious.]
There are countless wraiths in this marsh, Kel. I've seen them in the fog. They congregate where it's thickest, and I'm sure that during the Crossing, that fog will spread all over the place... and so will they.
[Kel knows, yet he feels like that is the only thing the siblings should choose to share by themselves. Mari fell, that's all she remembers before her death, and she was fighting with Sunny who... changed a lot since then. He doubts she didn't figure things out by herself, she's always been super smart.]
I don't know... I don't trust them. And I feel like... the fact Mari and Sunny are in danger? It makes me wary of anyone not speaking plainly about things. I saw Mari dead and I was there when Sunny died, I can't fail them again. [Again with this. But for someone who lost memories of his two other most important people, his own siblings, it makes sense focusing so much on those two... right?] I know I'm ready to face anything head on if it means keeping them safe.
[He crossed his arms, then, giving her a big wink.]
I'm fast and I already dealt with them, though. I just...
[He wants to protect others?]
Sunny can remember my stuff for me, Mari too, I trust them. And I trust you guys in reminding me who truly is important to me in here. I can forget my family, I doubt I'll see them again- [And he already felt he lost the most important bits of it. THe house felt so incredibly cold...] I can forget my friends over there, I can even forget about that very important teen stuff like my crush and all... but I'll not abandon them.
[A small smile at that, yet this one feels incredibly forced.]
I keep seeing Basil in the mist. I'm not fully convinced I shouldn't search for him and while I know there's a chance it's a trap... I don't want to risk leaving him behind. He may have hurt Sunny, but I know he's a very good person.
["I saw Mari dead"... that's right, Mari died before Kel and Sunny, didn't she? Frieda wonders how long after the fateful incident that was... and the possibility that those events were one and the same is suddenly on her radar. Sensing Kel's reluctance to share more than he already has, she doesn't press him for confirmation. Sunny's burden is great no matter what - either he inadvertently had a hand in his sister's death, or he accidentally caused another grievous accident and lost her at some point in the hard years that followed.
As Kel hypes himself up, trying to boost his own confidence for the task he's assigning himself, she can't help but feel dread. What if he gets lost in the fog? It could happen so easily. What if the wraiths tear him apart?]
Kel, I don't think it's worth the risk. But if this is what you're determined to do, I can't stop you. Just know that my offer to stay behind in your place stands. Truth to be told, I hardly want to move on from this place. It's like each location we stay in is harder for me to part from.
...
As for Basil... I don't think the apparitions are sentient. They're just illusions that our minds conjure up.
[She has no proof of that being irrefutably true, but so far, none of the ghosts reacted to any of them.]
[Yes. She died. She was the fateful accident in question but Kel cannot bring himself to say to someone not part of the 'family' that yes. SHE was the reason everything fell apart. Not because of her actions, of course, but for how cruel the fate had been.
As for the potential fears, Kel feels them. Yet he still acts like he's perfectly fine, who cares about a ten who has nothing to worry about. He was wounded before, yes. He was hurt so much, too. Still, at the same time, there's this little desire to be... useful? They're just accepting oblivion if they don't do anything, after all.]
Frieda. I... I would just like to know you're with Sun, honestly. I love him but he's not- I'm not the company he needs now. And we don't know how much the crossing will affect Mari as well. I know it's asking a lot but... [A small sigh.] I don't want to let go of the person I was. If there's anything that we can discover or see, I want someone in the group to give us a small shot. Somehow. And I'm still the faster one, even if I'm not as fast as I'd like.
... they're probably not, yes. But in the small off chance he's there. Or that a fragment of him is there... I can't abandon him either. I love him too, Frieda. Even if he did something really bad, possibly twice. I know he's a kind person and... we just don't know how this place works.
[Frieda listens, her concern remaining on her face. She wants to refute and dismantle Kel's plan, but she understands how he feels. She knows what it's like to be willing to sacrifice oneself, or part of oneself, for something more important. She remembers so clearly how she gave up on most of her life expectancy in the hopes of making the titans disappear and freeing her people.
Even so, she wants to sow at least a few reasonable doubts in his mind, because not doing so would feel plain irresponsible. Her voice is gentle, but firm.]
I'll keep the promise I made in the desert. I'll look out for Mari and Sunny. However, while you may think you're not the company they need, is that how they feel as well? I know you have their best interests at heart, but you're deciding over their heads. If you're really going to do this, then do it for the right reasons. If that's a chance to meet Basil...
[She pauses, frown steepening as she imagines Kel seeing his friend in the fog and running right into an army of wraiths, but pushes herself to continue.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2025-07-16 10:19 am (UTC)Well, I'm just... too forward? I just- he should know I got his back no matter what, right? He and Mari are all I have left now. [A very healthy approach to things, Kel.] But I fumbled it bad, he kind of fainted because hard talks aren't for him and... now apparently you're telling me he thinks we're no longer friends? God, he's so dumb sometimes...
[He crossed his arms, letting out a sigh. He... had no idea how to proceed from there.]
If he's avoiding me I'm... not sure on what to do. Back home he avoided people for four whole years... and now I'm pretty certain I know why, but it's frustrating sometimes how his natural reaction is: retreat.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-16 10:50 am (UTC)Frieda frowns as she mulls over their options when that last addition Kel makes draws her attention. She hesitates for a moment - Sunny completely shut down when she tried to ask him about why his father was so angry as him during the first Crossing, so he clearly wouldn't want her to know, but is she supposed to ever fully understand him at this rate?]
...
Why do you think he hid away from everyone for four years back home?
no subject
Date: 2025-07-16 10:57 am (UTC)It's not really relevant anymore, I fear. But something bad happened and I put together enough peices of a big messy puzzle to figure out he may have been part of that. Even if I know very well he never meant to cause any problem with anyone.
[He seems uncomfortable there.]
He's a good... kid. Sometimes I look at him and he feels so much younger than me and my other friends even if we are just a year apart, I guess that makes me too protective. And too talkative as well. I just... don't know how to help him right now.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-16 11:55 am (UTC)...
Neither of you is telling me any actual facts. How is the reason he isolated himself not relevant anymore when even now, being asked about it makes him shut down? If you want to keep it a secret on Sunny's behalf, I can accept that, but I can't help you or him if I don't understand even half of it.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-16 12:06 pm (UTC)[It's complicated, okay? He wishes Aubrey was there with them all, she was a lot more... direct than Kel in this kind of things. And Basil... Basil had answers and Kel just knew it. It had to be the reason he kept seeing him in the mist, his brain wanted to understand more.]
It's... lowkey tied to how he lost his eye. Or, well, the why? I don't even know if I should bring it up but if we're in some kind of 'cleanse the spirit' trip, I am not sure if not facing things is... good for him?
[but they were in the middle of the housing area, not exactly the best place where to go. Kel stopped for a good moment, considering his options. Frieda HAD been a good person so far, she still kept his secret about how he killed Sunny by accident, so...]
Let's... walk somewhere we don't risk to run into others, shall we?
no subject
Date: 2025-07-16 01:05 pm (UTC)For what it's worth, Kel, I'm in no position to judge others for whatever sins they may have committed. Hardly anyone here could possibly be as sinful of a person as me.
["Hardly anyone" because Nagito, who contributed to the fall of his entire world into despair and desolation, certainly comes close. As far as she's concerned, they're two peas in a pod. Sunny, though? That poor boy who's always so hard on himself for the slightest perceived transgression? There's no way he could have done anything remotely as heinous as them.]
Sunny lost his eye because your mutual friend had a breakdown and stabbed him, right? What exactly happened? Why did he turn on Sunny?
no subject
Date: 2025-07-16 01:32 pm (UTC)Yeah. I messed up as well. But I feel like you're being too hard on yourself, Frieda. Point is... I worry about him regardless. Heh... you should at least let him know 'Kel thinks he's dumb' and 'of course you two are still friends'...
[He didn't speak much until they were distant from the area where others lived. It was just him, Frieda and possibly leech infested water near them.]
His name is Basil. I keep seeing him in the mist, probably because I want to ask him so many questions... If you see a pretty blonde boy with blue eyes, it may be him. I really hope not to see him for real, though... [A pause. 'what happened' is a very good question.] I want to make sure you know anything I'm going to say is rather... speculative, okay? I am puting things together thanks to Mari and Sunny's... very strong reaction last time, plus what I know from home.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-16 02:35 pm (UTC)Hm-m. I'll take it all as your best guess. We have to start somewhere.
[Part of her wonders, though, if they don't run the risk of coming to the wrong conclusions by piecing so many fragmented memories together. Isn't there a real risk of them mistaking things? But she'll hear Kel out first of all.]
no subject
Date: 2025-07-17 05:41 am (UTC)Five friends. Me, Sunsun, Mari, Aubrey and Basil. So. Four years ago someone got... really hurt. That's when our friend group completely crashed and split. Sunny locked himself away, Aubrey got angry with everyone, especially me, and I don't remember why but I spent a year barely leaving the house. Basil... pushed me away, too? You can guess where this is going.
I think Sunny and Basil were involved with the incident, I'm pretty much sure Sun was at this point at least, and I think Basil was somehow involved in the covering up? Or he- [He did the thing? No, not Basil.] I'm almost sure it was an accident, covered in the worst possible way. And I think Sunny hid in part out of... guilt? And when Sun was about to leave the town... something must have happened between them.
Hell, Basil just had scratches but he was in such a poor mental state when the... eye incident happened? He got taken to the hospital as well because he crashed. I may have also punched him but that- I still love that guy too, okay?
[He turned around, kicking a pebble into the water.]
Point is.this is big for some people like us. Our world isn't anything special, I think, and I don't know how to help him with this sense of guilt and all.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-17 12:00 pm (UTC)How did the truth not come out? Even if they tried to hide what happened, wouldn't the one who got hurt have told everyone?
[Unless that person ended up in a coma, or with brain damage, memory loss... something like that. That would be bad enough for the others to not be able to forgive themselves.
tw: suicide mention (x2)
Date: 2025-07-17 01:31 pm (UTC)[The dead don't talk. But that would give away far too easily what kind of incident it was, right? Especially considering Mari was there with them all. She was the one who made Kel gasp as she said she never wanted to take her own life to begin with, the one who said her last memory was of her fighting with Sunny on the top of a staircase... and then nothingness followed.]
First. Even if the idiot- [And he said that in the most affectionate way possible.] believes he's such a bad person worth of hating him and all... he's incredibly loved. I'm sure if this person had a way to say anything, they would have chosen silence regardless to protect him. Second... yeah. They couldn't tell anyone what happened, let's put it that way. I just had a strange chance to put together a lot of clues
And I know it wasn't something Sunny wanted. He shut himself in for so long and then... well, after the eye incident? I know he was probably seeing things or something but he did... take his own life.
[He has to stop there, lowering his head and letting out a small, shaky breath. Ah, his lungs still move when he's feeling emotional, it seems.]
Not his fault there as well, I should have been quicker. But someone who is okay doesn't... do those things.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-17 07:30 pm (UTC)...
Thank you for telling me, Kel. It must've been so painful for all of you - the incident, and what it did to your lives.
[She thinks, too, of those left behind now, having to cope with the loss of Sunny and Kel on top of the tragedy that already occurred, and it's hard for her to hold back tears.]
I understand better now why Sunny can't forgive himself. The trouble is that I also have no advice for you.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-18 03:31 pm (UTC)It's okay, really, I bounce back easily from bad stuff. The others had it worse, trust me. I just- I wish I knew how to help them. Not that I can do much for them anymore, not when... I can't really talk with anyone but Sunsun or Mari.
[A pause as he shifted on the spot.]
Many people are having a much harder time and plenty of you seem to come from harsher worlds, so I shouldn't really complain much. I just... yeah. We're on the same boat. Not knowing how to handle it. I tried to talk with him, tell him that no matter what I loved him, and he just... fainted and then shut me away. It's... sad.
[A pause, there.]
We're already losing ourselves and we don't know why. One would think it's a reincarnation or 'returning to a new state' thing I heard in television... but we're keeping our memories of 'here' so it's just a mess? And... huh... aren't we supposed to make some peace with ourselves before 'going'? Not that I want to, but...
I just want to make sure that however we end, he ends up being okay.
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Date: 2025-07-19 03:45 pm (UTC)None of us knows where these travels will lead us. I imagined so many different outcomes already, but in the end, we can only continue on our path, into the unknown. I want to help you protect Sunny and Mari on the way, but it's hard when Sunny shuts down so easily and Mari handles everything on her own, isn't it? Ultimately, we can't force them. They'll either open up to accepting help in time, or they won't.
[She really hopes that they will. Mari, at least, already shared her pain with her during the first Crossing, and she's grateful she could support her at least a little... Sunny, of course, has a much harder time, and after what Kel just shared with her, it makes sense. Approaching him, she comfortingly rubs his shoulder.]
That aside, I want you to know that what you all went through isn't a mundane thing. Human lives are hard everywhere, and something like what happened to you would have broken a community in my world, too.
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Date: 2025-07-19 03:55 pm (UTC)I just... know Mari can handle things. It's Sunny I really worry about and I know he's probably not going to open up with Mari if he can avoid it. They love each other but things are never easy. As for where we're going, I'm not sure a good ending awaits us- look around yourself. This place is full of things that have been left behind, traces of our worlds and all like footprints of souls who were forced on this same journey as well.
Still, no one is here. No one can survive out of what's keeping us safe, too, I know that after staying behind the first time we crossed. [A pause. He looks at her hands on his shoulders and lifts one hand himself to place it on hers.] I stand by the fact I don't trust the Ferryman- I just don't know what to do. Should I try to gather more info by staying behind again, that's when we face the world for what it is, but the idea of forgetting those two terrifies me. I already forgot someone who was important to me, apparently? I don't know...
[A shrug, then.]
It broke ours. But I can't whine too much, I have the idea that... even if I can't remember? I... there was someone else I had to stay strong for. Who was doing so much worse than me. I'm strong enough to handle things thrown at me, Frieda. just... let me know if there's anything I can do for him. I feel like I barely know my friend anymore.
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Date: 2025-07-19 04:30 pm (UTC)As for Kel's assessment of their prospects, they certainly have encountered enough remnants of their predecessors to conjecture that thousands, if not tens or hundreds of thousands, or even more, have come this way before them... but from the beginning, she felt an acceptance that Kel doesn't have (a resignation, perhaps, much like she resigned herself to her people's isolation and eventual destruction in life).]
I still trust the Ferryman. It's true that some strange things are going on here, that people are losing memories when they're not supposed to, but the Ferryman seems concerned about that too. I'm saying that not to convince you to adopt my point of view, but to offer that if there's any information you need from, I don't mind gathering it for you.
[She smiles faintly, putting a hand on her chest.]
I can stay behind this time. I'll take the shard with the lightning; it'll protect me from the wraiths.
[Or will it? She hasn't asked to get the item back from Daniil after the Crossing and has no idea if the effect is even still imbued in it. Even so--]
I don't want you to lose any more memories, Kel.
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Date: 2025-07-19 05:00 pm (UTC)I don't. I don't get why they can't be direct with us, explain what we're going through and why we are losing memories one way or another. I'm not- I think I'd be more comfortable if I knew their goal. We're losing the people we used to be, sure, but we're not becoming blank slates for reincarnation or something. We can't give away our memories here so... what even is the point? There is just so much that doesn't make sense... or maybe I'm too stupid to get it.
[Which, wouldn't surprise him. He was not the brightest of his family, was he? He couldn't remeber who his parents often compared him to, probably a cousin or something, but he knew he wasn't that brilliant.]
I... I don't want you to. I run fast, I know what to expect this time. I don't want to lose more memories either, but as long as you guys remind me who truly matters to me... it's okay. Sunny seems to like you, I'd rather have people around him who are as whole as possible... if that makes sense.
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Date: 2025-07-19 05:25 pm (UTC)You're not stupid. I wish the Ferryman would just plainly answer our questions, too. I've asked to many times and only gotten the vaguest responses. But I think that the Ferryman, too, is bound by the rules of this place, and not divulging the purpose and destination of this journey is likely part of it - why, I couldn't tell you. To prevent us from making choices that would be detrimental to us, perhaps... if we want to look at it in good faith.
[Kel's rejection of her suggestion doesn't surprise her - of course he wouldn't want her to expose herself to danger. Her smile turns a little sadder.]
I appreciate your concern for me, but isn't it more important for Sunny that you and Mari remain yourselves as much as possible? He's only known me for a short while. That aside...
[She turns wholly serious.]
There are countless wraiths in this marsh, Kel. I've seen them in the fog. They congregate where it's thickest, and I'm sure that during the Crossing, that fog will spread all over the place... and so will they.
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Date: 2025-07-19 06:40 pm (UTC)I don't know... I don't trust them. And I feel like... the fact Mari and Sunny are in danger? It makes me wary of anyone not speaking plainly about things. I saw Mari dead and I was there when Sunny died, I can't fail them again. [Again with this. But for someone who lost memories of his two other most important people, his own siblings, it makes sense focusing so much on those two... right?] I know I'm ready to face anything head on if it means keeping them safe.
[He crossed his arms, then, giving her a big wink.]
I'm fast and I already dealt with them, though. I just...
[He wants to protect others?]
Sunny can remember my stuff for me, Mari too, I trust them. And I trust you guys in reminding me who truly is important to me in here. I can forget my family, I doubt I'll see them again- [And he already felt he lost the most important bits of it. THe house felt so incredibly cold...] I can forget my friends over there, I can even forget about that very important teen stuff like my crush and all... but I'll not abandon them.
[A small smile at that, yet this one feels incredibly forced.]
I keep seeing Basil in the mist. I'm not fully convinced I shouldn't search for him and while I know there's a chance it's a trap... I don't want to risk leaving him behind. He may have hurt Sunny, but I know he's a very good person.
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Date: 2025-07-19 08:10 pm (UTC)As Kel hypes himself up, trying to boost his own confidence for the task he's assigning himself, she can't help but feel dread. What if he gets lost in the fog? It could happen so easily. What if the wraiths tear him apart?]
Kel, I don't think it's worth the risk. But if this is what you're determined to do, I can't stop you. Just know that my offer to stay behind in your place stands. Truth to be told, I hardly want to move on from this place. It's like each location we stay in is harder for me to part from.
...
As for Basil... I don't think the apparitions are sentient. They're just illusions that our minds conjure up.
[She has no proof of that being irrefutably true, but so far, none of the ghosts reacted to any of them.]
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Date: 2025-07-28 01:30 pm (UTC)As for the potential fears, Kel feels them. Yet he still acts like he's perfectly fine, who cares about a ten who has nothing to worry about. He was wounded before, yes. He was hurt so much, too. Still, at the same time, there's this little desire to be... useful? They're just accepting oblivion if they don't do anything, after all.]
Frieda. I... I would just like to know you're with Sun, honestly. I love him but he's not- I'm not the company he needs now. And we don't know how much the crossing will affect Mari as well. I know it's asking a lot but... [A small sigh.] I don't want to let go of the person I was. If there's anything that we can discover or see, I want someone in the group to give us a small shot. Somehow. And I'm still the faster one, even if I'm not as fast as I'd like.
... they're probably not, yes. But in the small off chance he's there. Or that a fragment of him is there... I can't abandon him either. I love him too, Frieda. Even if he did something really bad, possibly twice. I know he's a kind person and... we just don't know how this place works.
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Date: 2025-07-28 07:40 pm (UTC)Even so, she wants to sow at least a few reasonable doubts in his mind, because not doing so would feel plain irresponsible. Her voice is gentle, but firm.]
I'll keep the promise I made in the desert. I'll look out for Mari and Sunny. However, while you may think you're not the company they need, is that how they feel as well? I know you have their best interests at heart, but you're deciding over their heads. If you're really going to do this, then do it for the right reasons. If that's a chance to meet Basil...
[She pauses, frown steepening as she imagines Kel seeing his friend in the fog and running right into an army of wraiths, but pushes herself to continue.]
Then so be it.